Let me be clear first off by saying this is not a common question that is placed for self-inquiry in how we are taught to show up in the world. First for ourselves, then as a mirror for others.
Self-inquiry takes many hundreds of hours, if not years, sitting with our emotional bodies and understanding how we connect to our emotions and what we do with what we find without judgment, expectation, or opinion.
Just love, acceptance with compassion.
It is peeling away layers at a time to reveal another aspect of self that in new awareness is now becoming introduced to for the very first time. Its often fresh, unfamiliar, like learning to ride a bike for the first time. Its a little wobbly until you find the rhythm of the bike and the surface you are riding.
Our consciousness is a complex array of learned ancient inner soul wisdom, life lessons, absorbed trauma, and exchanges of connection all bundled up in various environments and immersions from the first breath we take to the very last.
We have our consciousness that is connected to our soul identity, but our physical bodies have their own living breathing consciousness. Often they run not in connection to each other in harmony where we often experience dis-harmony amongst our body’s natural response to fear, danger, illness, and ability to self regulate healing. This all occurs because we absorb other people’s way of living and being as adopt a version of our own, it is not until we choose a path to self-heal that we see we must lose other people’s identities for our own to be born.
Into our most authentic fullest expression, without compromise nor allowing for negligence to rule any aspect of self as we heal forward in communication, connection, and self-identity.
Furthermore, we must lose the identities that smoother us out, contact us, or keep us in a state of oppression where we have a personality to illness, silence, fear, or envy. When I state our consciousness to our bodies, physical cellular consciousness often dont run in harmony with each other, is because most individuals dont know how to connect to their bodies, so their consciousness never has an opportunity to have divine unification in absolute wholeness.
I want you to know it’s not only possible, but you can also start this unification at any stage in your life when you are willing to unpack the past, open the emotions of the now by releasing yourself for the yet to arrive.
Our subconscious thoughts and its relationship to the trauma body or otherwise known as the pain-body is an aspect of self that sits in the tallest tower of the highest turret in the kingdom that is entire divinely you that’s under constant surveillance via the ego that rarely allows anyone in for its doesn’t like change at any cost.
So once you figure out the combination to access these hidden aspects of self in the highest tower hidden away from everyone even at time’s yourself in plain sight, who you were, and who you shapeshift into who you become shifts.
Determining who you will become is dependent on how persistent you are in reaching the top of the tower to access the most profound hidden aspects of self to heal, reconcile and release back into a state of homeostasis heart, mind, body, soul with spirit with absolute self-preservation in love.
Like all things, the more we do any action, the more repetition it has, the fruit it yields. Self-inquiry is one of the most excellent self-healing tools that cannot be granted from one person to another. No magic elixirs or cosmic downloads. It is divorcing the ego, welcoming deeper loving resonance into the heart, and healing the grief, betrayal, and innermost fears that have always held you back.
It is an instinctive muscle within self we must observe, witness without judgment or self persecution and above all be willing to sit in whatever rises both good or bad, even indifference.
This is where we can develop the art of being in a state of neutrality, meaning we can be not either reactive or responsive solely in observance before we attune to what an intensional currency we consciously choose to move forward with.
You see, our egos want to keep us to a pattern of familiarity in our belief systems even when we have outgrown them significantly, the ego wants us to stay small. Not show our fears or show our insecurities, flaws, weaknesses, or vulnerability. But every time we do that, we let our egos keep us in a repressed state, all while what we are actually doing is hiding out and telling ourselves that we must live in trauma, pain, and suffering.
Especially if this is all the memory, that body has record off. You see, when you encounter an experience, your mind will quickly recount if you have exchanged in these experiences, emotion, connection to signal to you in how to respond. If the trajectory is unfamiliar, you won’t have ground in which to marker. This makes the ego nervous, unsettled because it knows it cannot control the outcome. Its exposed, vulnerable, and on edge.
As a young child, all I ever wanted was to be acknowledged by my mother, her lack of emotional availability set the tone of the way I formed and even bonded with women for the most part of my life, well really into my early thirties where I finally saw how broken I had become by speaking from a place of needing validation on what I knew was right, was of significance. Like I mattered. I sought out various female relationships to nurture my wounds, but none of them did until I met this within myself.
I fought for this to be reconciled, I didn’t want to live from choices that were laid end by fear, beacuse I distinctly remember being told as a child I didn’t belong, and I wasn’t wanted.
When you can as a child vividly remember those words echo through your body like its being on repeat playing back to you as an adult, the cells in the physical body want verification; it’s safe. Its heard, and it’s desired.
Our voice is no different, so what became an observation in self became a self-inquiry to how others connected and how I connected to the world. Our voice is the external cue to the world in how we are expressing ourselves beyond our image, education, and appearance.
I soon came to see that many people I connected with actually responded to be validated, where their own inner child needs have not been met or seen. So they communicate to react not to actively listen, observe, or witness consciously. They are merely responding to the next cue in conversation on again being seen, heard, met as a validated manner of being a good human being, knowledgable, or subject matter expert.
Where I began to observe deeper and ask more insightful questions that would challenge this way of showing up in connection, I saw an opening of how individuals can communicate from a place of mindfulness and value when they self parent, self regulate, and self validate, self-love in connection.
So what does this mean, well it means that when an individual can self regulate their emotions and can connect deeply within self, they can validate the needs from their inner child or wounded self, and self heals them without the need of external cues like looking for a substitute father figure or mother figure, community leader or authoritarian figure to heal these wounds, traumas.
When an individual can self, validate it means they actually dont need nor seek out external validation to proceed in life. Be creative, driven, ambitious, or committed to living a full life.
They can and do focus on what it means to be self-aware, and they take full responsibility for the full gamut of emotions they encounter, by sitting in them, exploring them, unpacking what it mean’s to them by then discharging what no longer resounds supportive to them or the life path they choose to walk in highest lights capacity.
How we think we know trauma, grief, connection, communication, and validation is always changing by the lens of how we choose to change, heal, and transform. Our bodies are our most significant barometer of truth, often they are communicating to us repeatedly what they need to function at optimal best. It is our self-aware responsibility to own that exchange and see how we show up in self-parenting, self-validating, and self-healing what we need from one moment to the next in loving our entire selves, not just the parts that seem easily accessible or beautiful, likable or pleasurable.
When e allow our fears to be voiced, expressed, and witnessed, we change the narrative they hold over us.
When we are re-writing the narrative, we are then making way for an entirely new relationship to blossom in health and vitality with our bodies, our minds, our hearts, and our daily reality. We shapeshift from identity to needing eternal cues for validation we are enough, to actually knowing we have always been enough we simply didn’t know how to tell ourselves how much so until now.
When you know you are safe to be healed, you become healed.
When you know you are loveable, you exclude this love from your entire self as you radiate this love inwardly to self, never being reliant on it to fill voids from anyone or anything again. You are self-preserving always, consistently lovingly.
When you self validates, self-care, self-assurance, and self-love in every way, you open your cellular consciousness to come into the commune to receive new light. New neural pathways and new conscious ways to connect inwardly that continuously drives the outer engagement you have with the world through lights love, higher consciousness, god, source, and all universal interconnectedness.
New light continues transcends into transformative growth, where old necrosis consciousness dissolves as you simply dissolve it with the most potent force of all, the love only you can grant yourself.
So the next time you are connecting with someone, I highly encourage you to self regulate and make yourself aware of how you are showing up in the connection. What are you trying to prove invalidation?
Are you trying to seek likes, be celebrated, acknowledged, honored, or respected? If you find you are, go inwards and see where you can grant this to yourself. Beacuse indeed, you will always be left hungry trying to be feed by others who can never truly gift you what YOU must gift yourself, love.
Self-validation, connection, trust, compassion & worth.
Remember, you are never less for having boundaries, especially the ones where you are leading in self reservation in self-validating in knowing you are worthy of showing up in the world in the boldest, brightest manner seen, heard, and witnessed without anyone’s permission but your own.
Keep forgiving yourself, especially the parts of you that have sought out validation for not knowing different until you now do. So take these insights and reshape your life legacy in a new forward moment where you are the visionary, trailblazer, not merely someone waiting for a hall pass to take the next step on the life journey that is you.
When you do not know your most absolute power, as your guardian to self, it’s your loving job to be curious about learning in who you are. Loving yourself each layer at a time, even if learning to self parent, is like giving birth to a child, you didn’t know you had. Be present for it, be present for self as your entire self will open up in ways you are yet to witness in full bloom that is beyond your widest imagine in full color, light, and loves the most authentic expression.
In Hearts Grace